Anyone stopping here anytime soon may notice there are only a handful of posts. That’s because this is a brand-spankin-new blog. I’ve been wanting to write more and toyed with a variety of ideas, and settled on creating a blog. A public place where I can open up and share my thoughts, feelings etc.
Since I have shared, and plan to share, some things that are very person I’ve decided to use alias. The main reason comes down to fear. I’m not afraid of internet trolls, stalkers, or hostile comments. I’m afraid a family member, or two, will somehow come across my writings and feel hurt. When I write here I want to be open and honest. But I know some of the things I have shared, and plan to share, could hurt my family. Specifically, my mother. She has such low self-esteem and is extremely critical of herself.
For example, I’ve observed when one of my siblings was forthright with my mom (possibly over an offensive statement she made about a group of people), she became dismissive and then, shortly afterward, shut herself in her bedroom and did not interact with any of us for a great length of time…days. Which I found offensive because I had spent a lot of money on a flight to visit her. Then later (even years later) she will reference the event in negative tones and words toward herself and/or the accused. This is an all too familiar cycle.
So, yes, my writing here, under alias’, is based out of a fear of hurting others. Or, more appropriately, I don’t want my fear to stifle my writing right now. Therefore I am choosing to hide in order to feel free. A little backwards, but I am optimistic better writing will come of it. I love and care so much for my family and I don’t want to hurt them in any way.
As I am writing this I realize there is a completely different perspective here. I could see this decision to keep my anonymity is based on fear of hurting others. Or the complete opposite. My decision is based out of love and concern for how others will feel. And, that’s okay.
I’m excited to share the feelings in my heart and the busyness that occupies my mind. Hopefully, it will be coherent. Hopefully, I will come to understand myself even more. And my greatest joy would be to connect with other kindred spirits on this crazy journey of life.